The Emperor Wears No Clothes...But Will Sell You Some

As a frequent user of public transportation, I am bombarded with French advertising. Metro and RER station walls are plastered with billboards big and small, and even the vending machines conveniently positioned on the platforms boast some not-so-sly branding. And let me just say that being so bombarded with these messages, I’ve noticed some strange things. Of course, if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that, as a foreigner, I can’t possibly comprehend all the cultural references contained within. However, after many months of observing, translating, and attempts at decoding, it’s safe to say that there are three dominant advertising trends.

1) (Mis)appropriation of English

It’s been a global trend to slap English words on clothes as a seal of coolness. Yes, very cool if you don’t actually speak English, because then you don’t understand how utterly meaningless the words are in context. It’s nice to see that this predilection for wildly brandishing the English language without understanding the implications has extended to French food ads. Now, these English expressions technically make sense in context, but flub it on cultural caché (the good thing is, only the expats notice). Take for instance the recent KFC ad campaign, in which people of all ages were pictured willy-nilly, cheerfully waving confetti around a big bucket of fried chicken. The slogan? “Party Bucket!!!” Yeah, nothing says “party” as much as the word “bucket,” considering its associations with “slop” and “barf.” More like, frat party bucket. I’d be remiss if I didn’t also mention the campaign for frozen pizzas that warned Parisians about the upcoming “Cheese Invasion” heralded by flying saucer-esque mini-pizzas. Our cheesey-ness is out of this world? No?

2) Consumers = Intellectuals?

Granted, the French are a just a smidge more intellectual than Americans. Yup, just a smidge. They are well read, informed on all manner of global topics, and love a good debate for debate’s sake (right down to the taxi drivers). So it’s therefore no surprise that their ads should have a cerebral bent as well. Take the pictured ad for Galeries Lafayette, a local department store legend and a symbol of Parisian shopping. This bastion of consumer culture advertises its men’s store with an image of a bare-chested man reading a book titled, “Consumer Culture.” How apt. How…meta. Not to mention, the practically naked guy (seemingly sans all possessions but a book) is essentially selling goods. This wink-wink, nudge-nudge approach that simultaneously accepts yet takes aim at consumerism would never be broached in the hard-sell free-for-all of American ads, not even the more sophisticated ones. In another intellectual twist, many ads sport vandalism – not of the tagging variety, but in the form of scrawled anti-consumerism or anti-brand potshots. “Fuck the capitalist machine” is so much more articulate than devil horns and goatee or the male anatomy scribbled on a Got Milk model.

3) Rawrrrr


While Americans revel in consumerism, we’re a bit prudish on the sexuality front. Sure, our ads may hint at sex, but only on grade-school-level innocence compared to the French. While examples of this abound, nothing epitomizes this tendency more than the recent French Orangina campaign, featuring animals anthropomorphized to the point of strip-club endowments. Pictured are but two variations on the theme: a busty zebra in bustier and garters, legs ever-so-suggestively crossed, and a thong-sporting bear with six-pack abs, lustily licking his lips (he’s the true icon of the bear community). These ubiquitous images are tame compared to the full-frontal assault of the commercial (warning: practically Not Safe For Work). A little preview: a bosomy deer (or was it the zebra?) gives a bear a lap dance, another troupe of frisky female critters ride Orangina bottles that promptly erupt with fizzy soda, and in a riff on Flashdance, the deer (or was it the zebra?) arches her back on a chair and yanks a chain, unleashing a veritable golden shower of Orangina. It’s no wonder an anti-consumerism vandal has taken a black Sharpie to the vending machine in my local Metro station, crossing out the slogan, “Naturellement Pulpeuse” (Natually Pulpy…even grosser in light of the current ad campaign) and replacing it with “Naturellement Vulgaire.” How can we argue with that logic? Hey, in America we may be prudes but at least we're not elevating bestiality to an art form.