Ladies Who Lunch...Loudly

The workweek of an itinerant language teacher in Paris can be a lonely one. Due to having different schedules in different locations every day, I never have a regular work site to return to each day. I carry all my teaching materials with me (which can be heavy), I have no computer/Internet access during the day (not such a big deal, truth be told), and I can never, ever bring my lunch and store it in the office fridge or reheat it in the microwave. I eat out for lunch every day, and at that, I usually eat alone. Sometimes this is because I only have a short time to grab a sandwich and eat it on the go, which is hardly ideal, and sometimes this is because I’m at a client’s worksite where none of my colleagues are also working.

But there are other times when my workday intersects with that of my colleagues and we can meet up for lunch. These lunches are not only fun, but also a big relief after several days of eating lunch alone in a sea of French people, continually violating the rules of French culture and standing out as an expat on my own. The "safety in numbers" format is a far better way to break the rules and have a good time doing it. The other day I met up with a bigger group of friends than normal and as a table of foreigners (two Americans, one French-American, one Canadian, and one Italian), we almost unwittingly went down a list of sacred Commandments That Must Not Be Broken.

1) Thou Shalt Not Drink Water Out of a “Humongous” Half-Liter Bottle. One of my colleagues commented on my Nalgene – positively. Imagine getting praise for the smartness of carrying around a substantial supply of water with you (the point is to stay hydrated!) and not being met with incredulity or mistrust. And everyone at the table chimed in to agree, not once forcing me to pour the liquid into a small glass even though there was an ample amount of glasses available in the café.

2) Thou Shalt Not Eat With Your Hands, Not Even a Sandwich. My Italian friend had ordered a burger, and before she started eating, said, “Sorry, I’m about to eat this with my hands.” Ha! As she’s lived in France for quite a while, she’s used to the cultural habits and is conditioned to behave accordingly, or at least apologize before breaking the rules. We all laughed at the French propensity for a knife and fork no matter what’s on the plate, as well as their scorn for eating with one’s hands. The French consider it rude…or rather, simply crude. On the contrary, you never have to apologize to North Americans for eating with your hands.

3) Thou Shalt Not Speak In Tones Louder Than a Hushed Elevator Voice. The French tend to be quiet folk. Not that they’re not chatty – but they don’t ever get loud. When in a heated debate, a laughing fit, or an excited conversation, they still manage to keep their volume knob turned down to about 4. I believe this is rooted in their education system, which conditions them to be poised, disciplined, and afraid to make mistakes (which is a matter for another blog post), and then propagated through adulthood through parental and peer pressure. I mean, even dogs are relatively tame here. Therefore, when you’re out and about and hear someone speaking or laughing loudly, you know it’s an expat. Anyhow, at lunch we were complimenting my American friend on her blouse and then she removed the sweater she was wearing on top just enough to show off the blouse’s funky sleeves. “Whooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaa!!!” we all admiringly exclaimed, in unison, quite loudly for French standards, only to draw stares from people all over the café. The perplexed and annoyed looks only succeeded in making us laugh hard, adding to our “considerable” outburst.

I can’t wait to get a big group of expat English teachers together for a cathartic, laugh-filled lunch again.