(Barely) Legal

Today I achieved a major milestone in my short life in France – after amassing every official document known to man, waiting on insane lines, dealing with nasty public employees and vague instructions, and making several trips to government buildings, I finally got my legal residency card. Woohoo!

The latest adventure brought me to the foreigner “installation” services agency, not far from where I live. I arrived early, to find a substantial crowd already waiting outside the agency’s doors, which wouldn’t open until the appointed time of 8:30. There are many people from Africa, the Middle East, and Asia, a sizable amount from Eastern Europe, and then a smattering of Anglos. I only overhear English once. The agenda for this visit was simple: watch a short film about life in France, have an interview with a social assistant, have a quick medical consultation, and then finish my paperwork. It only took four hours, but at least I was warned.

The film was in French, naturally. I was offered a written translation into English, which I accepted but then didn’t need to consult – the narration was slow enough and the level of vocab just right for me to understand. Given the 20-minute length, the film didn’t offer any mind-blowing insight. Among the things I “learned”:
-democracy, Senate and national assembly blah blah blah
- see happy French people eating yummy food blah blah blah
- the country has several regions (really? There are regions in a country? And wait…France is a country? Sorry…saw a YouTube clip of So You’re Smarter Than a 5th Grader or whatever it’s called and this blonde woman didn’t know France was a country…oh vey) blah blah blah
- it’s a country of liberty, equality, and fraternity
- focus on liberty…cut to footage of France’s two national sports: people on strike, demonstrating in the street…and then people going nuts watching a World Cup match on a big screen outdoors. Yes, the people are free to fight for their right and then get wasted watching football.
- focus on equality. The narration makes a big deal of explaining how women and men are totally equal in France. Um, maybe I’m confused, but isn’t this not 1979? Then, and I shit you not, as the narration explained that women had as many professional options as men, they showed footage of a female nurse (traditionally a female profession) and a female bus driver…so this is what it means to have equal rights in France? Just when I think the equality segment is over, there’s a quick flash of a female senator. Pfew, they nearly redeemed themselves. [Footnote: I fully acknowledge that I hail from a modern society in which women truly enjoy the same rights and career options as men. Many immigrants to France come from some Middle Eastern and North African nations where, sadly, women are still second-class or even third-class citizens. For these people, stressing gender equality is surely a crucial point. However, the way the film presented the notion of gender equality was just laughable.]
- But glaringly absent: any mention of racial equality or cultural diversity. On the one hand, I’m surprised. Maybe I’m just coming from a very American PC perspective. But on the other hand, I’m aware that racism is alive and well France (I’ve heard some people glibly make racist comments and it’s a subject I discuss with my students quite often – they all confirm that it’s out in the open, at least far more than in the States). Given that I was one of the few white people in the room, the omission was all the more disturbing.
- focus on fraternity: many social services are available. So many social services, so little time.

I then wait nearly an hour for my interview with the social assistant. She, unlike some other public employees I’ve encountered in the past, is super nice and pleasant. Score! I handle the spoken interview (all in French) with relative ease. She has me fill out some paperwork and then gives me a language assessment, which (especially if it stands apart from the entire spoken interview) is a complete joke. It consists of four fill-in-the-blank sentences (missing words all provided) and a short, simple writing task. Passing is no problem, and consequently I will not need formal language training from the French government. But I’m not walking out scot-free…I have to take a compulsory full day of civic training on the ins and outs of the French government. Oh joy. Boring, check; informative, check; just another hoop to jump through…this process is never-ending.

After the interview, I wait and wait and wait for my medical consultation. I get called into the nurse’s station to get weighed, measured, get a blood pressure reading, and complete a vision test. Then it’s back to the waiting room, for another hour, until the doctor calls me in. Thank goodness I brought a book…although I would’ve never come without something to entertain myself with. I’m shocked that in a room of over 50 people, almost no one there has anything to do. They’re all just sitting and staring into space. No newspaper, book, nothing. The guy sitting next to me impatiently jiggles his leg, which causes my seat to shake. Grr. The guy on the other side of me has a Nintendo DS and is busy working his Mario mojo. He is, I think, the only other person in the room who has something to do. Anyhow, I finally get called in by the doctor, who breezes through her list of questions, scans my list of vaccinations, and views my pulmonary x-rays (both were required in advance of this appointment, yet more errands I had to run). Good thing the shortest parts of the morning come at the end! Because then I’m off to the final stage of the process, where I turn in all my completed paperwork, pay an exorbitant 275 euros, and get my fancy, laminated residency card. Niiiiiiiiiice.

So it’s (very nearly) done! I’m now legal for 10 years, people! We’re popping a bottle of champagne to celebrate as I type these final words.